Family Issues

[this is not my family this belongs to this link]

NOTE: So that you know this is something I wrote thinking about my family so this is pretty personal. If you are part of my family and you are reading. Well this is honestly one of the longest letter I have written in my life. It is the first time I talk about most of you so freely. I hope you get the whole meaning of this and if you dont I dont care. Si me quieren deseredar well it is up to you. Yo no soy hipocrita y la verdad es que me siento de esta manera. Been holding all this for too long so... this is the time to let go. I wont ask for forgiveness I dont have to. Deal with it. If you are not part of my family well then just read and whatever.

I just wonder how all of you are. I miss the good old days when we used to be kids and share as a family. even those that live in US and I visit on vacations. I miss the valentine, halloween, xmas, birthday cards. All that stuff I miss, I have the ones you guys use to send me. I cherish them. If you ever want me to write to you I will. Like i have done before. Just got tired of not receiving replies then I stoped. I used to call people i stoped that too.

Damn why when we grow up we forget we have family. We all have a life to live, bills to pay, things to do, time to waste or spend. But my mom always told me that family comes first then the rest. I know that I have lot of family in many places. I just miss all the times we shared. It is not so cool to know that part of the family have gathered up for some holiday when you spend the day all alone. Then you know ahh they all came here we have a wonderful time. Then you spend you savings buying an airplane ticket to spend some family quality time and what you get -I am working I dont have time to show you around. I have all you need in the house make yourself home. Come on I can do that in my house I came here to spend time with you.

my country and my house are not enough for you it seems you hardly visit me. And when you do you start critizing everything about the place. it is hot. it s doomed. you get bored cuase you have been so materialized that you cant see the whole point in visiting. you all want to stay in a place that haves ac cause you cant stand the weather. you are scared of going out cause you think they will kill you on the street. you hardly come cause it is hurracaine season. My grandma died and that means I wont ever see you guys come here ever again. Some of you already said it that you had nothing here to come back. I thought I was part of the family. You all came when she got worst and then when she died. Oh if you knew all the times she called all of you at midnight. screamed all your names hoping you will talk to her any moment.... we had to calm her down cause she didnt stop calling you guys.

I know i am blessed to have family in fact a huge family but what can I do if I dont feel all of you ever. I call and I feel like it is burden for you to talk. Like you are super busy and I am taking part of your precious time. You all have your own secrets by area. the ones in NY have their own. The ones in FL have their own the other in Cali have their own and we here have no secrets to share to tell to keep cause we didnt have people to share experiences or make up some dramatic stories that we couls pass to our possible futre family.

I feel I dont belong and most of you think I am strange cause I dont behave like all of you do at some point. No i dont like girly stuff, yes I love art. No i dont like hanging in parties, yes i love watching movies until midnight. I am not trendy, I dont drive, I did went to church, I have great ideas that I cant share with none of you cause you never cared to listen. No I am not a freak. yes I love the ex-menudo Draco. You dont know shit about the local news here [so dont discuss politics with me]. No i dont like all the things that you people like yet I am part of you. Still again I dont feel like I belong to you. None of you. I am gratefull for all the attention dont get me wrong but I feel like an outsider when i am there like I dont know you at all. So many time passes by and we all become more strange to one another. We all grew up and everything got fucked up.

Shall I forgive I have a family? I dont think so. I deny to forget about you guys. I love you guys, but I feel apart from you. I just wanted a cousin that I could call my best friend. A family member that I could trust enough to share my fears, dreams and all that shit that makes me who I am. I wish that you even care to know me instead of saying I am fat, that I am wasting my time, asking when I am going to get married or that I am useless. I sometimes wish things were different but I cant make things change.

Why I dont keep contact with you ... i bet you are asking yourself? I DID, I TRIED. Guess what you didnt wanted to keep in touch so I stoped. I notice how you can answer every fucking message a strange leaves and the ones I leave they pass by un-noticed. I got tired of waiting for replies. Of calling, leaving voice messages, emails, text messages and no answer. Well i get one I was busy I have lots of things to do. Right!!!!! You all know where to find me still dont want to keep in touch unless you need something. WHEN have I asked for something... maybe your address to send you a letter but not even that I get.

Thanks for all this updates that I get. i always know family stuff thru others or when something HUGE happens. I dont want to wait for a wedding, funeral or huge birthday to know about you people. I want to know about you cause you want me to know about you, cause you care that i care. I want to know about you cause i want to know about my family that is all. I want to send gifts to my little cousins. I want to have pics of them. i wish I had some here so i could by little things to them see them smile. Here them call me titi. those little details that a family haves.

The ones that I have here are like none existence since we HARDLY even talk. Like I said now that abuela is dead I wont even hear from them in years to come. well maybe when the next one dies I might see, hear them, I guess.

I wish I was 10 years again and we all went to Disney and got frozed it time there. I miss those days. We were so united. What the fuck happen besides that we grew up. We lost interest in the family? We need to save this before it is too damn late or is it late already?

I dont know.